NCIS The Musical
by CSIMel
Summary: NCIS with singing and dancing! What more do i have to say?
1. The Death of a Sailor

**NCIS – THE MUSICAL**

**RATING: K**

**DISCLAIMER: Don't own NCIS or any of the songs I may mention in this fic.**

**A/N: Okay, crazy, I know – NCIS The Musical. To be quite honest, I don't know how this will turn out. I'm looking at a case, mixed with a few songs and a good dash of TATE. It's something I had an idea for, and thought it might be fun. It will be a mixture of songs that exist, and songs I had to make up in order for them to fit with the topic. So sit back, relax, enjoy and review!**

**CHAPTER ONE: THE DEATH OF A SAILOR**

Caitlin Todd was sitting at her desk, typing on her computer, when she felt something hit the back of her.

"Stop it Tony!" She cried, knowing he was throwing paper clips at her again.

"Or what Kate?" he taunted.

Stop Right Now

_Oh Tony,_

_I'm getting so mad_

_And if you don't stop that_

_I'll do something bad_

_You're slowly,_

_Getting on my last nerve_

_And soon enough_

_You'll get what you deserve_

_OH TONY!_

Kate gasped in shock. She had no idea what had come over her, what had made her sing that. It was obvious that Tony had no idea what had happened either. Luckily for both of them, Gibbs had walked in, and was obviously cranky. He was muttering about alimony or something and Kate and Tony exchanged a keep quite glance.

"Pack you're stuff, we're got a case," Gibbs called to them.

"What is it, dead marine, seal –" Tony guessed.

"Sailor, DiNozzo. Petty Officer Travis Dermont. Reported missing from duty two days ago. Body was found by a hunter in Wild Flower Forest." Gibbs said.

McGee rushed in late.

"Sorry I'm late boss," he panted, "I got stuck –"

"Don't want to hear it McGee. Everyone, pack your stuff. I'll bring the van around." Gibbs commanded.

"Is Gibbs always so crabby?" McGee asked, flustered.

DiNozzo hit the newbie on the head.

"When you work here for as long as we have, you'll come to see, that Gibbs is in a permanent bad mood!" Kate laughed.

"Yeah, Probee, it's all a part of his charm." Tony laughed.

PART OF HIS CHARM

_TONY _

_Listen up Probee_

_We'll give you some advice_

_Special Agent Gibbs_

_Is never ever nice_

_KATE_

_He's mean and he's crabby_

_And can cause you great harm_

_But as you get to know him_

_That's part of his charm_

_KATE AND TONY_

_He'll yell and he'll scream_

_But don't be alarmed_

_He'll whack you on the head_

_But that's part of his charm_

_TONY_

_If you spill his coffee_

_You'll be sorry_

_But if you keep on his good side_

_There's no need to worry_

_KATE_

_If you mention his wives_

_He'll cause you great harm_

_Why he has so many_

_Well that's part of his charm!_

_KATE AND TONY_

_He'll yell and he'll scream_

_But don't be alarmed_

_He'll whack you on the head_

_But that's part of his charm_

As suddenly as they had begun, they stopped. Okay, things were starting to get a bit freaky. McGee looked at them oddly.

"How long did it take you to memorize that?" He asked, confused.

Tony whacked him over the head.

"Get in the van, Probee!"

A/N: Okay, so what'd you think? Should I write more? Ideas and suggestions would be much appreciated, as I have absolutely no idea where this story will go. Please review; sorry for the length, it was just a trial chapter. Review and I may write more!


	2. Secrets of a Forest

**CHAPTER 2 – SECRETS OF A FOREST**

**A/N: Firstly, wow! Thank-you to all my very kind reviewers, I'm so glad you enjoyed the first chapter. You guys rock! Anyway, here's my attempt at a second chapter, enjoy!**

**The Italian Peach: Yep, I wrote the lyrics myself, which would explain the crappy rhyming! **

The NCIS team hopped out of the van to examine their crime scene. DiNozzo and Kate, who were extremely embarrassed about what had happened earlier, were eager to avoid Gibbs and McGee. They quickly and quietly got to work, inspecting the area around their victim.

"Found a foot print," Kate called out, quickly snapping a picture of the print.

"Some coloured glass, over here," DiNozzo answered "the murder weapon perhaps?"

"Not possible," Ducky replied "our victim was strangled. She the markings around the neck," he pointed to the lines on the victims neck. "and the clouding of the eyes."

"Good job Ducky," Gibbs said.

"You know, this does remind me of a case I worked on in Manchester in my first year. The victim…" Ducky explained.

"Not again!" said DiNozzo softly, but loud enough for everyone to hear..

_DUCKY_

_I've lived a long and prosperous life_

_I've seen all the sights to see_

_And yet my young colleagues_

_Don't seem to respect ol' me!_

_I've travelled all over the world_

_And I'm wise beyond my years_

_That's why I can't fathom_

_Why I bore these young ones to tears!_

_KATE, TONY, MCGEE, GIBBS_

_Ooh Ducky_

_You know you make our hearts leap_

_Ooh Ducky_

_But you bore us to sleep!_

_If we told you they were great_

_It's like saying Tony slept with Kate_

_Cause that's a lie_

_Doo wa doo wa doo wa doo!_

_DUCKY (RAP)_

_Suffocation_

_Asphyxiation_

_Inspecting the dead at another destination_

_Because the cause of death is my revelation!_

_When it comes to my job, I'm better than the rest_

_Just try to put my skills to the test_

_And when I say this, I do not jest_

_Because whenit comes to my job, I'm the best of the best!_

_KATE, TONY, MCGEE, GIBBS_

_Ooh Ducky_

_You know you make our hearts leap_

_Ooh Ducky_

_But you bore us to sleep!_

_If we told you they were great_

_It's like saying Tony slept with Kate_

_Cause that's a lie_

_Doo wa doo wa doo wa doo!_

The team were frozen, with their arms in the air. They quickly composed themselves, embarrassed.

"Sorry Ducky," Tony mumbled, looking at the ground.

"That's quite all right, Tony," Ducky stated, packing up his things "this reminds me of a time when I was involved in a university musical. It was only a minor role, I played tree number 2, but it was thrilling none the less…"

Gibbs called to them from a few yards away.

"Found a tape recorder," Gibbs said, carefully putting it in a plastic bag.

"Looks a bit water damaged, hopefully Abby can get something from that," Kate said, placing the recorder in her kit.

"Okay everyone, back to the lab," Gibbs said, heading towards the van.

He stopped Tony, Kate and McGee.

"It goes without saying that we'll never mention this again, agreed." Gibbs said sternly.

"Agreed." The team said unanimously.

**A/N: Okay, this is starting to get fun to write, before i go, I know asphyxiation and suffocation is the same thing, I just did that for rhyming purposes. Any hoo, review please, as the show must go on!**


	3. In the Navy

**CHAPTER THREE: IN THE NAVY**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own NCIS or the movie 'Major Payne'. I'm just a homeless guy on the street who found my way to a computer!**

**A/N: Ah, the long awaited third chapter. As fun as this fic is to write, I am often stuck for ideas (or rhyming words!). I won't be able to update for about a week, as I'm going on holiday and won't have access to a computer. BTW – I don't know what the proper name for U.S military ships are called, so I improvised. So enjoy, review, and I'll be working on the fic when I'm away!**

The NCIS crew boarded the U.S Dunkirk, the ship where Petty-Officer Travis Dermont resided.

"Special Agent Gibbs, I presume?" someone called out.

The team turned around.

"Admiral Taylor, thank you for seeing us," Gibbs said politely, shaking the man's hand "these are my agents – DiNozzo, Todd and McGee. We need to talk about Petty-Officer Dermont.

"A good sailor, shame about his death," the Admiral said quietly.

"We have reason to believe that is was murder," Gibbs stated.

"Are you suggesting foul play on my ship?" the Admiral interrupted.

"Of course not, Admiral," Gibbs replied, "we're just querying about it."

"Lets get one thing straight," The Admiral said.

Suddenly the Admiral started marching, 20 or so men coming into position and standing behind him, forming a triangle with the Admiral at the apex. Out of nowhere a drum started beating.

ADMIRAL (MEN REPEATING)

_We're the Dunkirk, we are proud_

_This is our song so we'll sing it loud_

_We just hope this is really long_

_Because this is our only song_

_Sound off! (1,2)_

_I can't hear you! (3,4)_

_Petty-Officer Dermont was a real great guy_

_We can't believe someone choked him with a tie_

_He had a little kid and a lovely wife_

_It's such a shame someone took his life_

_Sound off! (1,2)_

_Break it all down now! (3.4)_

The Admiral starts break dancing. This continues for 10 minutes until Gibbs interrupts.

"Get on with it!"

_If it's information that you search_

_You should talk to his best friend Petty-Officer Lurch_

_If you're looking for clues you should look in his trunk_

_We always suspected he was a drunk!_

_Sound off! (1,2)_

_I could use a drink (3,4)_

_If you're wondering what this song will achieve_

_Nothing, because Lurch is on shore leave_

_Bad luck for you, that's really tough_

_But you can always go through his stuff!_

_Sound off! (1,2)_

_When will this end? (3,4)_

_We got this idea from 'Major Payne'_

_It's a funny film starring Damon Wayans_

_If you don't think this song turned out so well_

_Go bitch to the author CSIMel!_

_Sound off (1,2)_

_She's a genius! (3,4)_

_We know this song's been kinda lame_

_But this is our only moment of fame_

_Sorry we couldn't help, NCIS_

_But just remember we did our best!_

_Sound off (1,2)_

_Please review! (3,4)_

_Sound off 1 2 3 4_

_1,2…3,4!_

The crew stood there, striking a pose. The Admiral then signalled something and everyone got back to work.

"Dermont and Lurch shared a cabin," the Admiral said, leading them down a corridor "Here it is." The Admiral stopped at the door. "I'll leave you people to it."

The team put on some gloves and started searching around the cabin.

"I'll check Dermont's trunk," DiNozzo said, remembering back to the song.

"I'll check Lurch's," Kate replied.

The shuffled around the cabin, taking photos and bagging evidence.

"Wait a minute," Kate said; breaking the silence "I've got a pile of letters from Dermont's wife, to Lurch."

"Bag them and lets get out of here," Gibbs said gruffly "all this spontaneous singing is creeping me out."

**A/N: Me too Gibbs, me too! Just a little advertisement – check out the story by my pal kapOw, called 'Obviously'. It's a sweet little Tate ditty, bound to put a smile on anyone's face (except Gibbs!) Any hoo, as always; review. Suggestions welcome. Praise always welcome.**


	4. Abby's Addiction

**ABBY'S ADDICTION**

**A/N: Thanks for the lovely review that were waiting for me when I came back from holidays. Here's the latest chapter, so enjoy. As I live in Australia, NCIS is behind, and I just saw 'Twilight' the other night. Needless to say I was not happy. So I'm going to be in denial for a while. Kate is not dead, and I didn't cry in the season final. So don't expect any post-Twilight, reflections on Kate's death from me. It's comedy and tate-ish sexual tension all the way!**

The team headed down to the basement to meet Abby. She had paged Gibbs with a message that she had made a breakthrough in the case. Which was good, because they didn't really have much to work with. Just a bunch of crazy songs with hidden messages. Gibbs, McGee, Kate and Tony exited the elevator. Bursting out of the speaker was a boppy tune, which made them all cringe.

"Please Abby," Gibbs said tiredly, handing her her beloved Caff-Pow "we've had enough music for one day!"

"Yay! Gibbs, you brought me my Caff-Pow!" She snatched the drink of a bewildered Gibbs and took a big gulp. The music changed and a spotlight shone down on Abby.

"Oh, no!" Kate cried "Not again!"

_Oh Caff-Pow, Caff-Pow_

_Oh Caff-Pow, Caff-Pow_

_Oh Caff-Pow, Caff-Pow, how was I supposed to know_

_That something wasn't right yeah_

_Oh Caff-Pow, Caff-Pow, I shouldn't have let you go_

_But now you're by my side yeah_

_You're just the way_

_I like you to be_

_Oh precious Caff-Pow_

_Cause I need you right now_

_What? Because…_

_My loneliness is killing me (yeah)_

_I must confess, I need my sleep_

_(Need my sleep)_

_When I'm not with you I lose my mind_

_It's pick me up time_

_Hit me Caff-Pow, one more time!_

_Oh Caff-Pow, Caff-Pow, the reason I drink is you_

_Oh, you've got me addicted_

_Oh Caff-Pow, Caff-Pow, there's nothing I wouldn't do_

_That's just the way the corporations planned it!_

_You're just the way_

_I like you to be_

_Oh precious Caff-Pow_

_Cause I need you right now_

_What? Because…_

Abby rips off her black coat to reveal a black and grey tartan skirt, her hair is in pigtails. Gibbs, McGee, Kate and Tony surround her, mirroring her dance moves and doing back up vocals.

_Oh Caff-Pow, Caff-Pow_

_Oh Caff-Pow, Caff-Pow_

_Oh Caff-Pow, Caff-Pow, how was I supposed to know_

_Oh Caff-Pow, Caff-Pow, I shouldn't have let you go_

_I must confess, that my loneliness, is killing me now_

_Don't you know I need my sleep_

_That you will be here; it's pick me up time_

_Hit me Caff-Pow, one more time!_

_My loneliness is killing me (yeah)_

_I must confess, I need my sleep_

_(Need my sleep)_

_When I'm not with you I lose my mind_

_It's pick me up time_

_Hit me Caff-Pow, one more time!_

The lights returned to normal and the team suddenly realised what had happened.

"Wow! That's never happened before!" Abby cried, clapping.

"And lets hope it never does," Gibbs replied.

"Um, Abby, so what did you find out?" Kate asked, changing the subject.

"Okay, the coloured glass was from a beer bottle. I did find a partial print on it, and military records I.D it as belonging to a Petty-Officer Simon Lurch."

"The best friend," Tony said.

"I also cleaned up the tape recorder," Abby said "it goes on about birds for an hour. Then it gets really interesting."

She punched a few buttons on the computer.

"_Hey, look at them birds fighting, it's trying to steal that birds woman!"_

"_What, you mean like you stole mine!"_

"_Man, that was once! In college, give it a rest!"_

"_Yeah, well, old habits die hard."_

"_Travis, I told you before, I'm not sleeping with Jenny!"  
_

"_Fine!"_

There was a pause on the tape.

"_What are you doing, Simon? Simon!"_

The tape crackled and stopped.

"That was all I could retrieve," Abby said, "it was pretty damaged."

"Okay, good job Abs," Gibbs said "Tony and Kate, I need you to visit the wife. McGee, you're coming with me to talk to Lurch."

"M-me, boss?" McGee stuttered.

"Is there anyone else called McGee here?" Gibbs snapped.

Tony hit McGee over the head. The four of them entered the elevator. Tony started humming the song, which prompted Gibbs to hit him over the head.

"Sorry boss," he replied "but you've got to admit, it was a catchy song."

**A/N: For those of you who want to sing along while reading the song, it was 'Baby One More Time' by Britney 'the skank' Spears. Do not take me using the song as an indication I like her music, as that would be a lie. I just wanted to make fun of it a bit! So some feedback would be nice…what are you waiting for! Review my damn story! Lol, please!**


	5. Karaoke

**KARAOKE**

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated for a while, I've been in the hospital with a severe case of writers block! But I am sticking with this story, even if it takes me a while! So enjoy and review. Peace out!**

Tony and Kate rang the doorbell to the Dermont residence. A tall brunette, Jenny Dermont, opened the door.

"Hello, what can I do for you folks?" She asked.

Kate and Tony flashed their badges.

"Agent Todd and DiNozzo, we're from NCIS," Tony answered, "May we come in?"

Mrs Dermont held the door open. They entered the house and were immediately stunned by all the framed movie posters and shiny trophies. **(A/N: hee hee, shiny!)**

"You have the biggest collection of movie posters I have ever seen!" Tony exclaimed, impressed.

Jenny gave a short laugh.

"I do P.R for a lot of big studios," she answered "comes with the job."

"And the trophies?" Kate asked. Tony picked one up for closer inspection.

"Karaoke competitions," Jenny took the trophy off Tony.

"You must be pretty good then," Kate stated.

"I don't know about that," Jenny replied, laughing.

Kate and Tony looked at each other.

"We're terribly sorry about your husband's murder," Kate said softly.

Jenny sighed.

"It doesn't feel like he's dead," She whispered "Trent was gone so much, it just feels like he's at sea. Deep in my heart, I know he's with me." She looked at a poster in the corner. "Which is probably why I could relate to the movie 'Titanic' so much.

The lights suddenly dimmed and a microphone popped out of nowhere into Jenny's hand.

_Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you_

_That is how I know you go on_

_Far across the distance and spaces between us_

_You have come to show you go on_

_Near, far, wherever you are_

_I believe that the heart does go on_

_Once more, you open the door_

_And you're here in my heart_

_And my heart will go on and on_

_Love can touch us one times and last for a lifetime_

_And never let go till we're gone_

_Love was when I loved you, one true time I hold to_

_In my life we'll always go on._

_Near, far, wherever you are_

_I believe that the heart does go on_

_Once more, you open the door_

_And you're here in my heart_

_And my heart will go on and on_

_You're here, there's nothing I fear_

_And I know that my heart will go on_

_We'll stay forever this way_

_You are safe in my heart_

_An my heart will go on and on_

Tony gave a sniff and wiped his eyes. When he noticed Kate staring at him, he straightened up.

"Just allergies, that's all," he protested.

Kate nodded and mouthed 'sure'.

"Mrs Dermont, on the day of your husband's murder, he was hunting with Petty-Officer Lurch. They were fighting about you." Kate played the tape.

"Were you having an affair with Lurch?" Tony asked.

"No!" Mrs Dermont cried, "I loved my husband, I would never, ever cheat on him!" She sighed. "Trent was so paranoid and anxious around Simon. Because Simon stole his fiancée from him in college."

"Can you tell us anything else about Lurch?" Kate asked.

"He once hit on me," Jenny said quietly "but I never told Trent this, because Simon was his best friend. His _only_ friend." There was a pause. "But I never cheated on him." She said firmly.

"Thank-you for your time, Mrs Dermont," Kate said, as her and Tony left the Dermont residence.

"Well, I don't know if she was lying, but I do know she's one hell of a singer." Tony said, grinning.

"Hmm, I guess," Kate answered "but she was a little flat."

There was a pause.

Kate burst into laughing.

"Tony cries during 'Titanic'." She said, laughing.

"Shut up Kate!"

**A/N: I'm not a huge 'Titanic' fan, just to clarify. Nor am I a Celine Dion fan. I mean, eww! I Sorry about the length, this was a bit of a rush job. But it's a chapter none the less :D! So pretty please review!**


	6. Happy Gas

**HAPPY GAS**

**A/N: Hello all, CSIMel here. So here's the latest instalment of 'NCIS the Musical', be prepared, it's crazy! Giggle! If it seems rushed, it's cause it is, I chose to update all three of my stories this weekend before I go on camp. So when I get home, I expect LOTS of reviews! Or else!**

"Why'd you decide to call Lurch in, boss?" A nervous McGee asked.

"Not only will we have a home advantage, but we can put a stop to any ridiculous singing!" Gibbs snarled. "If I hear one more song, I'll do something I'll regret!"

McGee swallowed nervously. An angry Gibbs, with him in the line of fire. This wasn't what he'd signed up for.

They walked up to the window of the interrogation room. An anxious Lurch was tapping his fingers on the metal table. Gibbs opened the door, and McGee went to follow him.

"You watch," Gibbs ordered.

McGee took his place on the other side of the mirrored glass.

"Petty officer Lurch," Gibbs said, sitting down.

"Hey, what's the big deal? I've done nothing wrong!" Lurch cried.

"We've got a few questions about your friend, Petty Officer Dermont," Gibbs stated.

"Look, I don't know where he is, I haven't seen him for a few days." Lurch interrupted, "he's probably home with Jenny."

"Dermont is dead," Gibbs said, opening a file containing crime scene shots and placing them in front of Lurch.

"Oh, God!" Lurch said, shoving them away "Travis, dead?"

"We were hoping you'd know something about it," Gibbs said.

"I wish I could help, but I probably know less than you do," Lurch offered apologetically.

"We have evidence of you and Dermont hunting the day of his murder," Gibbs said, clicking a button.

"_Hey, look at them birds fighting, it's trying to steal that birds woman!"_

"_What, you mean like you stole mine!"_

"_Man, that was once! In college, give it a rest!"_

"_Yeah, well, old habits die hard."_

"_Travis, I told you before, I'm not sleeping with Jenny!"  
_

"_Fine!"_

Gibbs clicked off the tape recorder.

"Can you explain this?" Gibbs demanded.

"Look, with all due respect, Travis can be a little aggressive. I made one mistake in college, and now he's paranoid I'll do it again. I've told him a million times that nothing's going on between me and Jenny, but the man can't seem to let go of a grudge!" Lurch sighed.

"How about this then?" Gibbs asked, clicking on the tape recorder once again.

"_What are you doing, Simon? Simon!"_

There was static and Gibbs clicked it off. There was a pause and Lurch started tapping nervously.

"I'm waiting for an answer, Lurch," Gibbs voice started to rise.

"He started shooting birds, I got nervous," Lurch said meekly.

"That's got to be the worst excuse I've ever heard!" Gibbs yelled, slamming his fist on the table. He lowered his voice. "Would you like to rethink your answer?"

Lurch sighed.

"Travis started going crazy. He was coming towards me with his riffle and had this weird look in his eyes." Lurch said, "he was unstable, I started to panic."

"So what happened afterwards?" Gibbs asked.

"I kicked him and grabbed his riffle. I went back to the car and told him he could find his own way home." Lurch answered "I just drove off and left him, he knew the area, I was sure he could get home okay."

"I'm sure you did," Gibbs answered, and exited the interrogation room.

"Do you reckon he's guilty, Boss?" McGee asked.

"Do you reckon Kate and Tony will fight today?" Gibbs asked.

McGee took that as a yes.

As they neared the elevator, a very happy FBI Agent Fornell stopped them.

"Gibbs, my favourite NCIS agent!" Fornell said, pumping him arm in a vigorous handshake. "And…" Fornell stared at McGee blankly, "you!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Gibbs demanded, a smirk playing on his face.

"Oh, some accident in our lab, something about happy gas, but who really cares!" Fornell started giggling. "Nothing matters when you're happy!"

"Good to know," Gibbs answered, turning his back on the drugged FBI agent.

"You know what, Gibbs," Fornell said, putting his arm around Gibbs' shoulder, "You guys at NCIS have saved my ass so many times, and I want to thank you. You've got to be the bestest friends I ever had. I have to give you something, as a reward…I know a song!"

"God, no!" Gibbs yelled.

_I want to be the very best_

_Like no one ever was_

_To catch bad guys, is my real test_

_To train agents is my cause_

_I will travel across the land_

_Searching far and wide_

_Each NCIS agent, to understand_

_The power that's inside_

_NCIS_

_It's you and me_

_I know it's my destiny_

_NCIS_

_You're my best friend_

_In a world we must defend_

_NCIS_

_A heart so true _

_Our courage will pull us through_

_You teach me and I'll teach you_

_NCIS_

_Gotta catch em all_

_NCIS!_

_Every challenge along the way_

_With courage, we will face_

_We will battle everyday_

_To claim our rightful place_

_Come with me the time is right_

_There's no better team_

_Arm in arm, we'll win the fight_

_It's always been our dream_

_NCIS_

_It's you and me_

_I know it's my destiny_

_NCIS_

_You're my best friend_

_In a world we must defend_

_NCIS_

_A heart so true _

_Our courage will pull us through_

_You teach me and I'll teach you_

_NCIS_

_Gotta catch em all_

_NCIS!_

Gibbs pushed McGee into the elevator and quickly closed the door.

"What the hell was that?" Gibbs cried, rubbing his forehead.

"I believe that was the tune of the theme song to a popular cartoon, 'Pokemon', Sir," McGee spoke up. He stared at the glaring face of Gibbs. "Don't ask me how I know that,"

"I wasn't going to, McGee." Gibbs said.

_This was going to be a long case._

**A/N: Chuckle, how do you like dem' apples? Remember, click-click bottom right to review.**


	7. MaryLou and BobbyJohn

**MARY-LOU AND BOBBY-JOHN**

**A/N: Good day, faithful readers! Here's the latest instalment of _NCIS – The Musical_. Okay, so maybe the last chapter was a little crazy but…you guys ain't seen nothing yet! So sit back, put you're feet up and enjoy the insanity.**

"What now, boss?" McGee asked, "We have no evidence to put Lurch away with."

Gibbs glared at McGee.

"You know, Gibbs, I'm not sure it was Lurch," Kate spoke up, "I think it could be the wife."

"As if those tears we saw could've been an act," Tony interrupted.

"She was singing the theme from 'Titanic', Tony. It's not hard to cry during that. Something you'd know all about, right Tony?" Kate smiled menacingly.

"Shut-up Kate!" Tony gritted his teeth.

"Heya gang!" Abby entered the conference room smiling.

"Please tell us you have some good news," Gibbs said, rubbing his temple.

"You bet your bippy I do!" She grinned.

"Bippy?" Tony whispered to Kate, who stifled a laugh.

"I'm choosing to ignore you Tony," Abby replied cheerfully, "moving on, I managed to get some DNA off the tie used to choke our vic. Not a match to Lurch, but the markers are definitely female."

"I thought you said you had good news," Gibbs grumbled.

"So all you need to do is get me something from your female suspect that I can compare the DNA to," Abby said.

"Jenny Dermont's out of town, Gibbs," Kate said, "she's in Vegas for a karaoke contest."

"We need that DNA, ASAP!" Gibbs snapped.

"There's no way we can do that," Tony answered, "unless you send Kate and I undercover as entrants in the contest."

-------------------------------------------------

"All you had to do was keep your big mouth shut, Tony!" Kate snapped.

"It's Bobby-John, remember, Mary-Lou," Tony elbowed Kate, putting on a southern accent.

"My wife here is still recovering from a riding accident," he explained to the receptionist at the casino where the contest was being held, "she can barely remember what day of the week it is, let alone names!"

Tony dragged Kate to the elevator and when they were in the safety of their room, he dropped the act.

"God, Kate, you nearly blew our cover!" he snapped.

"I'm sorry Tony, but between being your wife and dressing like trailer trash, I don't really care!" Kate cried. "Anyway, what make you think Jenny Dermont won't recognise us?"

"Firstly, she was too 'upset' to take much notice of use when we first met, secondly, we have these accents and thirdly, you're a blond." Tony smirked at the last point.

Kate looked in the mirror and examined her blonde wig.

"You know, this reminds me how in college, I died my hair blonde and danced in bars in thehopes of my song writing skills being discovered." Kate said.

"Really?" Tony's mouth dropped in shock.

"No, Tony," She shook her head, "you disgust me."

"Wait a minute!" Tony nodded knowingly, "That's from 'Coyote Ugly', minus the college bit."

"Took you long enough," Kate smirked.

Tony glanced at his watch.

"Time to get down to the dressing rooms," Tony said.

"We're not actually performing, are we?" Kate asked, horrified.

"No, just getting changed to make it look like we are," Tony replied reassuringly, a faint smile on his face.

"Thank God!" Kate smiled.

They rode the elevator in silence. Before they went their separate ways, Tony grabbed Kate's arm.

"Remember – accent and you're Mary-Lou Wilson," Tony hissed.

"I know, darlin'," Kate replied, putting on an accent.

Kate entered the dressing room to find dozens of women getting ready. She found a make-up table with her name on it. She opened the hanging garment bag. Kate grabbed the note that was hanging off the hanger.

_Kate,_

_Grease is the word!_

_Love Abs._

"Please, Abby, no!" Kate mumbled, pulling out her costume. She found skintight Lycra pants and a low cut black tank top. In a box beside her chair, she found some red heels.

"Hi, Mary-Lou!" Someone said from behind her.

"Um, hi," Kate answered, remember her accent.

"I'm Josie, the event co-ordinator." The perky woman said, "I just need to confirm that your song is 'You're the One that I Want', from 'Grease'."

"Yeah, that's right," Kate answered; silently cursing the fact that she told Abby it was her favourite movie.

"Good," Josie replied, "and you're on in five minutes!"

"What!" Kate cried, but Josie had already walked away.

Kate glanced around the room, searching for Jenny Dermont. She spotted her at the refreshment table, a plastic cup in her hand. Kate made a beeline to Jenny, careful to stay out of her line of vision. As she reached the refreshment table, Jenny threw her cup in the bin and walked away. Carefully, Kate picked up the cup and placed it in the evidence bag she had in her pocket. She went back to her dressing table and placed it in her make-up bag.

"Two minutes, Mary-Lou," Josie called out. Kate rushed off to get changed.

Tony was waiting for Kate backstage. He felt a sharp pain between his shoulders. He turned around.

"Hey, Sandy!" He grinned. Kate raised her hand to hit him again. "That hurt, Kate!"

"You told me we weren't actually performing!" She hissed.

"How were we supposed to get in the contest if we didn't perform?" Tony replied. "Anyway, didn't you like the song choice?"

"Yeah, real great," Kate grumbled.

"Abby says you know all the lyrics and dances," Tony taunted.

"Remind me never to tell Abby anything. Ever." Kate muttered.

"You guys ready?" One of the sound guys asked.

"No," Kate mumbled.

"Yeah, we're right," Tony answered.

"Then you're on," The guy ushered them onto the stage.

_And now, from South Carolina, give it up for Bobby-John and Mary-Lou Wilson!_

The lights came up and the music started. Kate looked at Tony, her eyes in a panic. He smiled at her reassuringly, and began singing.

_**I got chills, they're multiplyin', and I'm losin' control  
Cause the power you're supplyin', it's electrifyin'  
**_

Kate began to dance to the music that she'd heard many times before.

_You better shape up, cause I need a man,  
and my heart is set on you  
You better shape up, you better understand,  
to my heart I must be true  
Nothing left, nothing left for me to do_

_Chorus (Both):  
You're the one that I want  
(you are the one I want), ooh ooh ooh, honey  
The one that I want (you are the one I want),  
ooh ooh ooh, honey  
The one that I want (you are the one I want),  
ooh ooh ooh, honey  
The one I need (the one I need),  
oh yes indeed (yes indeed)_

It was when Kate was shimmying, that she realised that they had a huge audience. And they were all cheering madly. Maybe this was fun.

_If you're filled with affection,  
You're too shy to convey  
Meditate my direction, feel your way_

_**I better shape up,  
cause you need a man  
**I need a man,  
Who can keep me satisfied  
**I better shape up, if I'm gonna prove  
**You better prove, that my fate is justified  
**Are you sure?  
**Yes I'm sure down deep inside_

_BOTH - Chorus:  
You're the one that I want  
(you are the one I want), ooh ooh ooh, honey  
The one that I want (you are the one I want),  
ooh ooh ooh, honey  
The one that I want (you are the one I want),  
ooh ooh ooh, honey  
The one I need (the one I need),  
oh yes indeed (yes indeed)_

_You're the one that I want!_

Kate and Tony looked out at the sea of people who were standing and applauding madly. They took a bow and ran off stage.

"Wasn't that fun, Kate?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, it was," She admitted, "but if you tell anyone about this, I will have to kill you."

Tony watched Kate as she strode off. He shook his head.

"I always did like the movie 'Grease'."

**A/N: That was longer than I expected. Giggle.**

**Now review!**


	8. I'm Just A Probie

**I'M JUST A PROBIE**

**Disclaimer: Let me check…nope, still own nothing. Don't own No Doubt or Gwen Stefani.**

**A/N: I'm sure you've all forgotten about this fic by now, with it not have been updated since 2005! I know I have. But I am going to finish this, with only two chapters to go and a vague plan in my head. I'm sorry it took so long to get out a new chapter and I hope you guys enjoy!

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"Honey! We're home!" Tony called as he and Kate walked into the lab.

"Ah, husband dearest," Abby grinned, holding out her hand, "did you 'bring home the metaphorical bacon'?"

Tony handed her the cup.

"Don't I always?"

"My precious," Abby crooned, swabbing the mouth of the cup, "by the way guys, killer job at the contest!"

"The things I do for cases." Kate rolled her eyes.

"You guys took home second place in the duets section," Abby added.

"Seriously?" Tony and Kate exclaimed.

"Seriously," Abby passed them a trophy; "they express-mailed it to me this morning."

"I've never won anything like this," Kate shook her head, "ever."

"Sucks to be you," Tony smirked, snatching the trophy out of her hands.

"Hey!" Kate grabbed the other side.

"What?" Tony shrugged, "so you'll only put your name to it if you won? I never denied that I was a part of the contest and more importantly, I wasn't the one who _froze_ on stage – I deserve the trophy!"

"I did not 'freeze'!" Kate snapped, "I was temporarily blinded by the lights! And it's not like you don't have any of your own trophies – you 'jock'!"

"Oh, so you've stooped to name calling, Miss-Hoity-Toity with her waltz's and crap!" Tony leaned in close, "Yes, Katie, I know about your ballroom dancing!"

"What the hell would you do with a karaoke trophy anyway?" Kate yelled.

"Women tend to find a man who can sing 'sexy', Kate, or haven't you heard?" Tony quipped.

Abby stood to the side, head moving back and forward like a game of 'Pong', a wide grin on her face.

"Abby, do you have the DNA results, yet?" Gibbs asked as he entered the lab, McGee trailing behind.

"Just a second," Abby turned back to the argument.

"Excuse me, Tony! I made our act 'sexy'!"

"Yeah, right – "

"Todd! DiNozzo!"

The two agents stopped arguing.

"The DNA, Abby?"

"Still processing," Abby answered.

"Okay, McGee, what did you get off the letters?"

"Um, uh," McGee stuttered, "the letters were all from Jenny Dermont. The first few were just the usual 'hi, how are you' sort of thing. The next few got a bit hostile, here's something:"

_Oh, Simon, as much as I think we should tell Trent about Charlie-_

"That's her son," McGee interrupted.

"I know," Gibbs answered impatiently.

_…We can't. It will hurt him too much. If there was a way to do it, I'd do it in a heartbeat._

"Between that one and the last letter, there's a three month gap. The last letter was just one sentence:"

_It'll work – trust me._

"There could be some letters missing?" Tony suggested.

"It's sounds like Charlie is actually Lurch's kid and Jenny is formulating a plan to kill her husband," Kate shook him head, "that woman is cold."

"And after her little act back at the house too!" Tony exclaimed.

_Beep, beep._

"The results are in!" Abby announced. "The DNA on the tie is a match to Jenny Dermont."

Gibbs turned to Tony and Kate.

"Bring in Lurch and the wife, let's see if they're singing the same song."

Gibbs headed towards the elevator, but stopped.

"Oh, and McGee – since when did it take three days to read some letters?"

"Nice job, Probie," Tony slapped the younger agent across the back of the head.

"You know, I wish you'd stop ragging on me, Tony," McGee blurted out, "I'm not a newbie."

"On the contrary, _McGeek_, you'll always be 'Probie' to me," Tony grinned.

Kate laughed.

"Sometimes, Tony," McGee stuttered, turning red, "you make me so, so…angry, I could…"

"Could what, McGee/"

All of a sudden a spotlight appeared on McGee.

"Oh, no!" Kate groaned.

_Take this crime scene tape off my eyes_

_I'm exposed_

_And it's no big surprise_

_Don't you think I know_

_Exactly where I stand_

_This agency is forcing me _

_To hold it's hand_

'_Cause I'm just a Probie, little ol' me_

_Don't let me out of you're sight_

_I'm just a Probie, all new and naïve_

_So don't let me have any rights_

_Oh…I've had it up to here!_

McGee started dancing wildly, head banging to the music that was coming out of nowhere. Kate, Tony and Abby stared at the scene playing out in front of them, amused and slightly disturbed.

_The moment that I step inside_

_So many reasons for me to run and hide_

_I can't do the little things_

_I hold so dear_

'_Cause it's Gibbs catching me_

_That I fear_

'_Cause I'm just a Probie_

_I'd rather not be_

_Cause' the won't let me drive_

_The ME truck_

_I'm just a Probie_

_Guess I'm some kind of nervous freak_

_Cause' they all hurt my feelings_

_With their lies_

_I'm just a Probie_

_Take a good look at me_

_Just your typical newbie prototype_

_Oh…I've had it up to here!_

_Oh…am I making myself clear?_

_Oh…I've had it up to here._

McGee stood frozen in shock.

"I didn't think it was possible," Tony shook his head, "Probie's paralysed with embarrassment."

"Wow." Kate whispered, "I never realised he was such a girl."

McGee ran out of the room.

"Gwen Stefani has left the building," Abby observed.

"I don't think I can ever look at McGee the same way again," Kate mused.

"You said it sister," Tony whistled.

The two left the lab and headed towards the elevator.

Kate hit the button.

"By the way, Tony," she grinned evilly, "the trophies mine!"

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**A/N: Hope you had as much fun reading that as I did writing. I love Tate banter:D**

**Please review, your reviews make a nervous McGee smile.**


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